Ending a romantic relationship is no picnic. Moving on thereafter is harder. Often, a break-up is necessary for the maintenance of the dignity of the parties involved. But the hardest part of it all is what happens after the inevitable break up. Our emotional ‘shock absorbers’ defer and this is often responsible for the response from the two partners, especially the party that is not expecting a split. This view is shared by Tunrayo who suffered a heartbreak after her fiancé of four years decided walkl. “Moving on was really difficult after realizing that all I invested in the relationship was gone within a twinkle of an eye, but I had to accept that our relationship had come to the end of the road” she says.
While every romantic split has its peculiarities, there are no general prescriptions on how people involved should or will handle it. While some break-ups are ‘civil and nice’, some others have violent and bad. Definitely the responses from the people involved will differ. Be it as it may, there are some intertwining factors that influence and help people coming out of romantic relationship break ups to find their lives again. Let’s look at some of these tips together.
- It is advisable for each partner to accept that the relationship has really ended. There’s no point living in a dream land and not willing to accept the reality of the fact that the person you have shared your dreams and emotions with is no longer there. It can be extremely painful and the first few days and weeks will be very lonely, but accept it.
- Learn to pick up the pieces of your life. This is particularly hard, if for instance the relationship has been on for a fairly long period of time and the two people involved has built fantasies of a long term commitment. The hurt, pain and regret will be unimaginable, but it is a reality that has happened. Accept the breakup as something that was never meant to be.
- Discover yourself and take up new challenges. One easy trap to fall into when a romantic relationship has just ended will be feelings of dejection, disappointment and even dissatisfaction with oneself. Depression may set and tempt you to sulk and view the whole world in a negative way, the truth is that this is not the right path to tow. The end of a relationship is time for you to discover yourself all over again, take up a new challenge or hobby that you have been contemplating. The secret is for you to challenge your energy into something more productive and beneficial to your wellbeing.
- Don’t rush into another relationship: The temptation to do this is high especially to convince yourself that the breakup was not really your fault. But it is always good to allow time to heal the wound of your previous relationship, learn from the mistakes you made in that relationship so as not to carry the hurts into your new relationship. Depending on the circumstances that led to the breakup of your last relationship, how soon you get into a new one will determined by how fast you have moved emotionally.
- Surround yourself with positive people who will provide you with the right shoulders to lean on. Truth be told, romantic breakups can be very painful so you need positive people who will encourage you and help you navigate through the difficult time. These people could be your close friends, siblings or other family members. You can be sure that they have your best interest at heart. Confide in them, express your feelings to them, unburden your heart to them and they will understand your ‘grief’.
- Learn to forgive and move on. This perhaps is the most difficult part of all, especially if your ex really hurt your feelings. It is not easy, but forgiveness is important so that you can let go of the pains. Letting go is never easy but very needful.
- Spoil yourself: There’s no harm in pampering yourself so as to make you feel better after a terrible experience in a romantic relationship. Register in a Spa club or a gym and make out time to keep in shape and be fit. And if you can afford it, a vacation to a choice destination you have been secretly admiring will so you a lot of good. You may also consider doing some shopping for a wardrobe overhaul.