My Apology To TB Joshua  

BAMIDELE JOHNSON/

Shame on me and every other person that branded Prophet TB  Joshua a fake prophet in the wake of the collapse of the guest house in his church. Now, I admit that I misfired in branding him a fake for not seeing the tragedy before it occurred.  I also urge every other person that questioned the integrity of Joshua’s prophetic gifts to take the path of honour and apologise to him. The prophet foresaw the tragedy in which at least 115 people, mostly South Africans, perished. The  claim is contained in a statement posted on the Synagogue Church of All Nations Facebook page.

Josua
Floored: Joshua

In the statement, Prophet Joshua warned those saying he didn’t foresee the tragedy to desist henceforth or suffer grave consequences. “For the three weeks before the incident, if you heard my message and sat down, you would know I was giving you a vision and prophetic word on how to handle the situation at hand,” Joshua claimed.

God, obviously, also told him that people-including me-propagating the guff that he foresaw nothing are tools of Satan and will soon “suffer” for their deeds. I don’t want to suffer. In fact, I am singing Me I No Go Suffer/I No Go Beg For Bread… I also want to stop being Satan’s tool. As such, I am desisting and tendering an unreserved apology to Prophet Joshua. If not for the lack of funds, dear Prophet, I would have published the apology in at least five newspapers and the bulletin of your church.

Your warning is sufficiently stern. You have cautioned those who could not prevent the tragedy to be “careful of their tongues” because “anybody can go for it.” I’d rather not “go for it” for the simple reason that I also aspire to be what you are: clairvoyant, rich, influential and powerful.

You have described those who died as martyrs (?) and very forcefully warned your critics against continuing on the same path unless they could bring the dead back to life or get severely punished.  “If your brother is involved, unless he can resurrect the people who died, he will join them. If you can resurrect the people who died, you can go free,” you said.

I prefer to heed the warning. I have no expertise raising the dead. That must be really complicated. I avoid complicated things. I am the type that gets into trouble when opening the zipper of my few pairs of trousers, which happens to be the most complicated assignment I have ever undertaken.

Raising the dead is a skill that is, perhaps, exclusive to you, dear Prophet. You have done it before, can do it again and I’d  be mightily thrilled if you do it again. Almost everyone, including those members of the CAN and PFN who sneer at your halting English and spiritual gifts, would be thrilled. To raise 115 people from the dead would top every achievement that man has recorded. Prophet, do not pass up this chance to button up the lips of your detractors up.

Some cheeky people-I am no more in that category-are still suggesting that you foresaw the event after it happened. One of them describe it as “hindcasting”. I assume he has coined a word for forecasting an outcome after it has become evident. The more cynical ones among them told me that I am a better prophet than you are. My resume as a prophet contains some accurate predictions in 2012, when I foresaw that Lionel Messi would not join 3SC of Ibadan. I also predicted that David Cameron will not duel with President Jonathan in the 2015 presidential election.

I am fairly level-headed, the reason for which I am not predisposed to the hazard of the hype my friends have whipped up around me. I will remain level-headed.

Since defecting from their camp, they have been asking me why you did not ask God to avert the disaster. I have not been able to give them an answer. But a few minutes ago, I also foresaw that you needed martyrs, which was why you did not ask God to prevent the disaster. This was days after you had described those who died in the rubble as martyrs. My former friends sneer at my explanation, the way some do at your pirate goatee and halting English, arguing that those you have described as martyrs were not killed because of beliefs, but in an avoidable accident. I do not disagree with their definition of the word, which is the way dictionaries-with the possible exception of the one you use-define it. But I am convinced that you are right.

As a result, I am forced to tell them that concrete and iron rods have a way of persecuting and killing people for their religious, political, even social beliefs or for the type of beer they drink. Some of them are being persuaded.

Those that remain unconvinced keep pointing at your claim that you told your followers how to respond to the tragedy when you predicted it. Probably, Prophet, the appropriate response you envisaged must have entailed an assault on emergency officials and journalists at the site of the tragedy. I suspect that your followers wouldn’t dare go against your instructions, which we know always coincide with what God has in mind.

Prophet, I apologise for all the spittle-flecked abuses hurled in your direction. Some of these came from people who accuse you of giving prophecies that are as accurate as horoscope. The very base ones among my former friends liken the accuracy of your predictions to that of transfer news in football publications.

Football journalists appear paid to make things up. They simply throw as many darts as they can find in the knowledge that one will hit the bull’s eye after which they come out to say: “We told you first”.

I have started telling my former friends that they do not understand the simple fact that prophecies are double-headed coins: If  they come true, God revealed them; if they don’t, God didn’t want them to. Either way, it is God at work. Let them continue in their folly. Someday-if they haven’t suffered the consequences of doubting you-they will realise that you are the real Godfella.

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