What I’ve Learnt From The Campaigns

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BAMIDELE JOHNSON

 

Buhari Is Younger Than Jimi Agbaje :
The earlier we get this, the better for us: Mr. Jimi Agbaje, Lagos State governorship candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party, is too old to be governor. This nugget of wisdom was freely given to us by Governor Babatunde Fashola of Lagos State on Wednesday at a campaign of his party, the All Progressives Congress.
“Today, at 52, I am counting the number of black hair on my head. Akinwunmi Ambode is the man that can do it. If you put an old man there, he cannot do it. If you call him in the night, he may not pick your calls,” he said without mentioning a name.
But there can be no prizes for guessing the target of his thinly veiled barbs. Having been governor for almost eight years and given that he is widely considered a bright man, Fashola should know. Shouldn’t he? I am certain he does.
I am similarly certain that, being a bright man, he is numerate enough to know that 72, the age of Muhammadu Buhari, presidential candidate of his party, is not lower than 58, Agbaje’s age. You needn’t be bright to notice the 14-year gap between that of the man seeking to govern a state and the other seeking to govern the country of more than 160 million. If Agbaje is a geriatric, shouldn’t Buhari qualify as an artefact? If Agbaje alias JK wouldn’t be able to answer calls at night, should that not suggest that Buhari will be in snooze mode all through the day? I leave the judgment to you.
Governor Mimiko Knows The Value of Information Technology :
Since we don’t feel the same about a piece of music, I suspect we’d have reacted differently to the claim of Ondo State governor, Dr. Olusegun Mimiko, that General Muhammadu Buhari is computer-illiterate. I have seen a photograph on Facebook (obviously posted by APC supporters) showing Buhari gazing into a computer screen with the type of concentration a yahoo boy gives to his trade. But it offers no conclusive proof of computer literacy. I have also seen one photograph of President Goodluck Jonathan sitting before a computer screen that was yet to come on-in an attempt to suggest he is also not literate. Neither proves the posters’ case beyond reasonable doubt. Mimiko has also neglected to tell us how he got the evidence with which he arrived at his conclusion. Most likely, he has none and he knows we won’t demand any.
That said, India, yes India, which is an IT superpower, had a computer illiterate as Prime Minister. His name? Atal Bihari (sounds like Buhari?) Vajpayee.

It was under him that his country’s prodigious production of tech warriors began. Mimiko should read a little about him.

You Need To Steal More Than Abacha And Mobutu Combined To Be Punished:

Angry? Embarrassed? Relieved? We will, most likely, never know how Chief Jim Nwobodo felt when President Jonathan spoke about the fact that he stole while in office as governor of the old Anambra State.

At the PDP presidential rally in Enugu, Jonathan, who could not have meant any harm, asked: “How much did Jim Nwobodo steal that the Buhari regime sent him to jail? Money that was not up to the price of a Peugeot. Is that good enough?” The crowd yelled: “Nooooo.” How much of a vote catcher is that? I don’t know. But the President appeared to be saying you can steal and get away until you smash the records of the late Sani Abacha and Mobutu Sese Seko, two of the continent’s most accomplished thieves.
Buhari Can’t Memorise His Phone Number and Doesn’t Know Where His Certificate Is:

Sticks and stones, according to conventional wisdom, are likely to cause more substantive damage than words. Things, as we know, are a little different, when it comes to politics. That was proved with the President’s claim that his main challenger can’t give you his phone number off-hand. It was a hit on the social media. I presume that the President must have asked Buhari for his number many times, with the APC presidential candidate asking the President for his so he could call and the President could save. It happens often to people with poor memory or those that have just acquired new numbers and those with many lines. I don’t know the category in which Buhari falls. Neither am I suggesting that the President was correct. But if you repeatedly called electricity “light” (despite holding a PhD) in an interview with CNN‘s Christiane Amanpour-who could not mask her confusion-you have been throwing stones from a glass house.
OK. Jonathan has a PhD, even if you sneer at him and presumably, that certificate and others he’s earned are available. The same cannot be said of Buhari, who has been unable to remember if his kids tore up his certificate or rats ate it. I hope he remembers quickly, even if it is just to show that he had the entry requirements of those military institutions he attended.
Mrs. and Miss Buhari Are Head Turners:

He may be the least dandy of men and the most uninspiring of speakers, but Buhari has got a nice-looker of a wife. Not many knew that before now. Note that his first wife, Sefinat, was not bad looking either. We also did not know he had a daughter, Zahra, who became a hit on Twitter a few days ago. She looks like a fashion model, something that may help challenge the perception of his father as a mullah. Of course, she provoked really hilarious reactions on Twitter. Patrick Obahiagbon, the former House of Reps member popular for bombast tweeted: “Buhari’s daughter is locopriously beautiful, how art I aged this hastily?”

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