‘I’m Torn Between Two Lovers’



Please I want to remain anonymous, I’m 21 years old a student of University Of Lagos in 300 level. I have 2 guys I am seeing, one is a graduate and the other is still in school, I met the graduate last year and we’ve been dating for few months now. I met the other guy since I was 17 and we’ve just been fooling around, until recently we decided to take things seriously.
The graduate is a Christian while the other is a Muslim. The problem is I love the Muslim guy more, he is caring and loves me so much. The graduate also loves me, cares for me and gives me money but I don’t love him as much as the other guy, he can do anything for me, he always wants to make me happy. Myself and the Muslim guy has had a lot of issues and we even broke up sometime but we are together now, while the graduate we have never had argument before we understand each other well. I enjoy sex with the Muslim guy than the graduate. The graduate talks about marriage and he seems serious. I don’t know what to do and who to stick to. Please I need your advice.


Dear Anonymous Lady,

Your situation is a very complicated one. You are currently just like a person who’s entangled in a web of dilemma because of the luxury of choices that you have.
But despite the several options nicely dangling for you, you must be very strategic in choosing your options as they will get to have an impact on you later in life.
Now, it is very important for everyone, irrespective of the gender, to marry an individual that he or she truly likes. But it is also important that people also get married to individuals who also exhibit a trait of genuineness and seriousness.
You stated that you met one of the guys four years ago and you guys have been fooling around since till recently. Now, you say that you genuinely like this guy who is an undergraduate. But asides sex (which should not be the main criteria in choosing a future partner), does the guy really have a plan going forward? Also, do you know if he considers you a huge part of his future or he’s just content using you as a sexual lubricant?
For the graduate guy, have you established why you say you don’t like him apart from the issue of sex? If he seems very serious and he talks about marriage plans, do you know what his plans are for you forging ahead in the marriage? Again, are you ready for marriage considering that you are still a student? If no, have you told the guy and asked that he remains patient with you? And what has his reaction been? Is he welcoming to your patience plea or is he insistent on the marriage occurring at his own time?
These are some of the important questions that you must ask these guys and evaluate their answers before you take such a critical decision. Obviously, both men like you but you must ensure your emotions for the lucky chap is definitely on the same range.
But more importantly, the male chap must be a person who truly considers you as part of his future; someone who will set out plans like a project to cater for your interests and not one who views you as a flash in the plan.



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