My name is Chioma, a fashion designer and nursing mother. I started dating my husband immediately he broke up with his ex, he had shown interest in me earlier but I stayed away because everyone knew his girlfriend. I got pregnant eight months into the relationship, he came to perform the marital rights according to tradition but warned strictly not to put up the pictures on any social media platform which I adhere to.
My issue is my husband has not gotten over his ex and it’s almost two years, this is giving me a cause for worry. I wanted to abort the pregnancy at the early stage but he pleaded with me not to, said that’s what his ex never gave him so it’s not as if I forced him to marry me neither was I trying to trap him with the pregnancy. He treats me like I came to his life to have a baby for him and nothing more, we don’t go out together or attend any social function as family. I tried talking to him about it but he won’t even listen to me. I even tried to find out if he was still seeing his ex, I went through her social media and realized she has moved on with her life. She is engaged to someone else but my husband has refused to move on and I’m the one suffering it.I’m not enjoying my marriage, even when I tried to channel my energy to my baby but it’s not working. I need my husband back, what can I do to make him realize his life with his ex is over.
It is quite unfortunate about the current state of your marriage but there is one question I would like to ask: Were you guys truly in love or you both just got married because of the impending pregnancy?
Although you said you did not attempt to trap your husband with the pregnancy, you should have confirmed if he was truly over his ex-wife. That is because, from your description of the events, he did not seem to have been fully in awe of your presence.
At this moment, the best thing you should do is to sit your husband down and have a civil, non-confrontational conversation with him. Explain to him that you are unhappy with his behaviour towards you since the marriage began. Ask him about what ill-feelings that he might be harbouring towards you. Allow him to be expressive, do not hinder or challenge him, especially when you hear him say things that may be uncomplimentary to you. And if he demands for an apology for certain actions, even though you might not have wronged him, just quietly apologise to him so that calm, peace and happiness might be restored to your matrimonial home.
Hopefully, having an open and truthful discussion with him might unearth all his misgivings and allow you both to enjoy a happy married life.
But if the discussion does not yield any fruit, I will suggest that you brief your in-laws, EMPHASIS: IN-LAWS ONLY, so that they can help resolve the situation. Do not go and inform some of your friends, who might provide you with bad advice and eventually stab you in the back.
Need Love & Life Guru’s advice? Send your mails to firstname.lastname@example.org and help is sure to come your way.