At some point or another, you’ve probably been there. You’re in the middle of foreplay and you’re getting really turned on — way, way too fast. Before you know it, you can’t hold back, and you’re climaxing a lot earlier than you wanted to.
There are a lot of strategies out there for training yourself to last longer in bed, such as kegel exercises and edging. But when you’re in the moment, sometimes you have to think fast to make that intense arousal chill out for a few more minutes. Here, we asked men to reveal what they do to slow things down when they’re getting a little too excited during sex.
This guy switches positions:
“Sometimes one position is killing it and I am about to orgasm, but I know it’s too early because she hasn’t [come], or we just started having sex and I want to keep going for the enjoyment of it. So let’s say she’s on top and it’s super good and I’m about to burst, then I’ll stop and change to a different position. In that time of transitioning, I get out of the flow a little and can reset and keep going.” —Matthew*
This guy takes a little break:
“Plain and simple: take a break. Lie on her or have her on top and just kiss for a bit. Or just cuddle for a minute or so. That way I am still hard because we’re kissing or touching, but my penis gets a breather and needs to get excited again to actually finish. Plus, she always likes kissing.” —Samuel*
This guy pictures himself getting hurt:
“I picture myself getting hit by a car or something scary and jolting. It isn’t [so] much [that I] go soft, because there is some adrenaline rush, to a little extent, but it’s also not arousing [to] where I’d come, because it’s scary. It is the right little pause that takes me out of the moment of orgasm for a delay.” —Brian*
This guy gives himself a pep talk:
“Seems dumb, but just order yourself not to come yet. I say like, ‘Come on man, you’re not done, keep going.’ Or like chant ‘do it for her’ or ‘don’t come, don’t come’ over and over until the moment passes and you know you can keep it up longer.” —Walt*
This guy grabs a sip of water:
“I actually have a problem with coming a bit too soon … and so I keep water by the bed. Then if we’re going at it and it’s really hot and I know I don’t have much longer, I’ll take a sip of the water and it cools me down, but also gives a little break from the position. And it’s a quick sip so I can get back into it.” —Zack*
This guy turns 100% of his focus to his partner:
“If I know I am gonna come ASAP, I get out of the position that I am in and I focus on her to give myself a short break. So I will finger her or go down on her or something for a few minutes so she is still enjoying sex and doesn’t feel like it’s a break, and I can go longer afterwards.” —Ethan*
This guy pictures a dead animal:
“A bit gruesome, but it works every time. I think of a dead bird or pigeon on the street or an ugly raccoon or something — nothing too vulgar and bloody, because then I probably won’t want sex at all anymore. But just some dead animal on the street.” —Frank
Aaaand this guy pictures someone completely non-sexual:
“I think of my grandma. Works every time.” —Tim
*Some names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.