My name is Mabel. I need urgent help. My boyfriend, whom I dated for 7 years, left me and travelled to the United Kingdom in 2015.
I was so heartbroken, I found it difficult to move on. However, months later, I felt he was gone completely and decided to consider the advances of my youth president in church.
My new boyfriend (the youth president) turned out to be a really nice person. He was willing to marry me after just one year of dating. Since we attend the same church, an introduction was the easiest thing to plan as our parents already knew each other.
One Sunday after church, my ex-boyfriend called me from the UK begging for forgiveness and saying he wants me back. He is coming back to the country in two weeks’ time and wants us to see.
I’m confused as I really find it difficult to turn him down because deep down in my heart, I know I still have something for him.
We’ve been doing video calls recently and I discovered I still want to be with him. The problem now is how do I call-off my current relationship without causing trouble between our families and spoiling my parents’ reputation in church.
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This situation requires you to think critically and make a decision with your head rather than your heart.
You said your former boyfriend did not contact you since 2015, that is four years after he travelled out. I am not judging, but what kind of serious guy ditches a lady after four years and then suddenly re-appears?
Now, the issue is much more complicated as you have agreed to marry your current boyfriend. As I just learnt recently, a promise of marriage is a binding legal agreement, even if it is not documented. What the appellant in court just needs to do is to prove that the defendant actually agreed to marry him or her, either through evidence in text or audio.
So, you might also be walking through the road of litigation, if you are not careful. Therefore, you really need to assess your choices before you make that grand decision.
But most importantly, make your choice based on the guy whom you are most comfortable with and who has a settled life. If you feel you are cool with your former boyfriend, then gladly go for him. But make sure that you run a background check on him to ensure you avoid stories that touch.
Then, you politely inform your current boyfriend that you would like to rescind your earlier marriage decision. I am sure he would be able to accept the decision, although with a heavy heart, since you say he sincerely likes you. By the time the issue is settled amicably between both of you, you would not need to worry about its impact on both families or your parents’ reputation in church.
If you decide to remain with your current boyfriend, then you must cut off all ties with your former lover, including the video and voice calls, just to be safe.
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