‘How Do I Tell Him My Womb Is Damaged’

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My name is Mary. After five years of marriage and no child, my husband, Segun, decided to take another wife due to pressure from his mother.

Then I met Jide a year after the divorce and remarried six months later.

Jide and his mother treat me well despite my inability to get pregnant three years after our wedding.

Jide and i have ran several medical check-ups, but we were told our reproductive systems are normal.

Then a friend introduced me to an American Hospital, ran by expatriates on Lagos Island.

After running another test, the doctor told me I would not be able to carry a child!!!

He said I contacted toilet infections, which were not properly treated at some point in my life. The white doctor noted that the bacteria attacked and destroyed my womb.

My whole world has crashed! How do I tell my husband?

Also Read: At 21 I’m Only Attracted To Men In Their 40s

Hello Mary,
First of all, I extend my sincere condolences to you over such terrible piece of news. It is a difficult time for you, and understandably so. Hopefully, you will emerge out of this quagmire as a stronger woman.
On whether to inform your husband, Jide, and the consequences of doing so, it is better to let him know from you than to confirm from other sources. If he gets to know from other sources, he (and any other enraged husband at that moment) would insinuate that you knew about the unfortunate defect but decided to keep mute to enjoy your marriage. That will only lead to more crisis.
Already, you have mentioned that Jide and his mum have respected you despite your inability to bear a child for the family for the past three years. You might want to exploit the courteousness and inform your husband about the development. I will advise that you inform him only at first.
Call him aside when you perceive he is in a much-relaxed mood and then show him the results of the test. Follow up with a verbal explanation of the exact analysis of what the doctor told you. Obviously, your tone and mood must be contrite. But do not over dramatize by yelling and hitting your body against the wall, that would send a negative message.
Do not expect him to receive the news immediately without a sense of resentment. He will surely be shocked by the development and may not be in his usual mood for some hours or even days. Allow him be, to show his unhappiness and discontent. But being a calm person as you have described him, I expect him to turn around and also sympathise with you in a short time of either hours or few days.
Then, what you both should plan next is how to deliver the news to your mother-in-law in a way that would not cause controversy for your marriage. Parents of husbands have a stronghold influence on marriages and you are already a victim of such situation. So, you and your husband would have to manage his mother very well throughout this period, especially for you to save your marriage.
In all of this process, do not attempt to be spiteful to your husband and his mother. Allow them express their frustrations and after that, plan to work with them to keep your family together. There are some couples whom due to a defect in one or both spouses cannot have children. Yet, they live happily. So, try and model your family’s life towards such families’ own.

GCN

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