Help! I Love Sex But I’m Worried My Boyfriend Doesn’t Fancy It

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Hi, Love and Life, I am sexually attracted to a guy I have been seeing for just over six months but he views sex as “overrated”.
Sex is really important to me so I am starting to feel I cannot wait much longer before we take our relationship to a new level.
We did have sex once when we were both drunk but that is the only time. He is a lovely guy who says he adores me.
I know sex is not everything and not a good enough reason to dump him but a lack of it is making me feel neglected and tense all the time.
I have spoken to him but I don’t want to come across as sex mad and needy.
There is this other guy I have always had a thing for. I know he would suit my sexual needs better but I don’t want to ruin what I have with my lovely man.

 

Hello Anonymous Writer,

Well, the importance of sex in a relationship, I dare say, depends on the value of such bond by both partners.
But again, your complaint raises an important question: should boyfriends and girlfriends engage in pre-marital sex? The answer to this poser lies inherent in the personal and religious beliefs of the persons involved. The dominant religions in the country (Christianity and Islam) seriously frown at such idea. Also, HIV/AIDS advocates would always preach abstinence over pre-marital sex to young people. So, your preference of having sex before or during marriage depends on a combination of factors, which I would leave you to decide on as an adult.
But back to the main premise of your letter. As regards your boyfriend’s question on whether sex is overrated? Absolutely NOT! Sex sparks the connection between a couple, especially in the early stages of relationship, preferably marriage. Sex can be described as that link that ensures the intimate, and if you may believe; spiritual, bond between the man and the woman is staunchly joined and permanently formed. It is, without doubt, the form in which affection between two lovers can be distinctively expressed.
But are you now saying that sex is your main determinant in any relationship of yours, based on your boyfriend’s seemingly skepticism towards sex? The answer should be No! This is because the basis of a relationship between two persons- either married or unmarried- goes beyond sex. It requires compassion, understanding, love between both persons involved. Once together as a couple, the man and woman work together as best of friends and help resolve lots of issues together as a team. Therefore, sex cannot just be the major basis of a relationship.
So my dear, sex is not overhyped. In fact, it is very, very important in order to sustain a relationship. However, it cannot and should not be the basis of your relationship, especially if you want to be in a long-term relationship.

 

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