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‘He Doesn’t Share His Problems With Me’



Hello counsellor,

My name is Janet. My husband and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary in a week’s time.

Not that he has not been a good man, he just doesn’t share his problems with me. For instance, last month, he had a sizeable portion of his salary deducted over an infraction. He did not tell me about it.

He only let it out when I grumbled to him for not buying a carton of the drink he usually buys for me. He then blurted out that his salary was deducted and he had to strike some things out.

He doesn’t discuss financial issues with me. Our last house rent was late by three weeks which was quite unusual. The man I married would have sorted it out weeks before the due date. He chose not to ask me for a loan instead, I heard he asked his dad for some money.

I’m confused, asides this, he is an awesome man. I know he loves me but discussing his problems, he never does.

Please what can I do?


Hello Janet,

First of all, congratulations on your third wedding anniversary. Staying three years with your husband as a married couple is not easy, especially in these times when several issues lead to complexities in marriage.

One of the most important things to understand in marriage is that patience is well needed, and this leads me to your observation or complaint regarding your husband. There are some husbands who do not want to burden their wives with being concerned about financial details because they want them to be very comfortable. Others, however, do not prefer to discuss money matters with their women due to various reasons.

It seems your husband’s reason not to discuss his financial matters with you is a mix of the two aforementioned reasons. On one hand, he does not want to plague you with his troubles; however, he also keeps away certain information from you for an unidentified purpose.

So, you have the arduous task to uncover why he keeps such details away from you. However, you do not have to be too forceful when going about this. That’s why I earlier talked about patience. You have to carefully navigate your way around your husband via intelligent and caring conversations done at periods when he is relaxed. Nagging all the time will not help you get your required answers, but seeking to know and understand his inner details better.



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About Gabriel Ntoka

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