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‘I Didn’t Know My Son Was Gay Till I Caught Him With His Cousin’

Hello love and life, I’m a married man with three children. My first son, whom I had with my wife before I married her is 17-years-old.

I got home from work one fateful day to find my own son and his cousin having sex in the sitting room. It could have been better if this cousin is female, he is male, in his early 20s.

I was devastated. I just stood there staring at them with tears in my eyes. I had a discussion with both of them and they made me know that they had been sexual partners for almost five years now.

I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been hearing of people being gay not knowing my own son is one of them. Please what can I do. I have already sent this cousin, my sister’s son, back to their house. Please, I’m so confused right now.

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Hello Anonymous Writer,

Well, I think that there has been a lack of proper parenting from you towards your child for him to have picked up such idea. It is even more shocking to hear that the boy, at just 17, has been sexually active in a homosexual relationship and been committing incest for close to five years and you did not know until now.

One thing you and other parents must know from this episode is that parenting is not just about providing for the welfare of a child/ward. It goes beyond giving a child money. It encompasses other things such as showing empathy and having regular discussions with the child on different issues, including sex education.

Unfortunately in our clime, men do abandon or leave such an important duty to their female partners. But with the boy’s mum not being around him, you failed to do the needful. You can never know what is bothering a child or detect the child’s behaviour if you do not create ample time for discussion or study the child and his/her chain of friends.

So, the very first step for you to do is not to be mad at your boy, rather call him for you two to have a chat. Ensure the atmosphere is relaxed so that your boy can be fully open to you. Ask him about how he came across such act and what influenced him. Also try to know what kind of movies he has been watching, especially with his phone and/or laptop (if he has one).

Then explain to him the consequences of engaging in such act: a) the legal implications of going to jail for 14 years and being termed a law breaker for life; b) the social implications of him most likely being ostracized by the society and him also not being free or able to relate with the opposite sex; and c) the health implications of him contracting dangerous sexually transmitted diseases in which same-sex partners are at high risk of, especially if sex was unprotected.

You move further by blocking all avenues and plugs of influence that might have led him to this. This includes chasing away bad eggs (like his cousin) and monitoring his circle of friends, blockage of all forms of pornography websites- both heterosexual and homosexual- from his gadgets and seizure of all other pornographic materials in his possession.

You can also initiate regular discussions with him about sex education with him. I will also advice that you enroll him for sex therapy classes with a certified sex educator.

Lastly, encourage him to mingle more (not sexually per se) with ladies of his age and let him share his experiences of the encounter with you. For someone who has been engaged in a different act for five years, it is not going to be easy for him to suddenly change to new ways.

So, you have to be patient with your boy and support him all the way in the gradual re-transformation of his sexual orientation.



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About Ademola Aderele

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