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‘I May Lose My Fiance Because Of My Sister’


Counselor, I feel like life is wicked!

My name is Tania and hails from one of the South-south states in Nigeria.

I have been in a relationship for five years with the best person i’ve ever known.

He proposed to me last month and we planned to get married by the middle of this year.
His parents gave us dates for the traditional and white wedding.

But when i informed my parents about the wedding dates, they objected to me getting married before my older sister.

They have remained adamant that it was tradition in the family that I must not get wedded before my sister, who doesn’t even have a boyfriend.

I dont want to lose all the hardwork I’ve put into this relationship.

I am confused, what do I do?

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Hello Tania,
Your situation is quite complicated and I quite understand your frustrations. However, what is most needed here is a compromise between you and your parents.
In our clime, it is an unwritten rule for most families that their elder siblings get married before the younger ones. So, your parents’ insistence that you wait for your elder sister to get married first is not surprising.
However, you do not have to argue or force your own view over your parents, after all they will always have your best interest at heart. My advice to you is to, first of all, have a conversation with your sister and explain your dilemma to her. Then seek her permission for her to allow you get married to your fiance on the permitted date.
Once you get her consent, then you and your elder sister should approach your parents and have a mild chat with them. Inform them that your sister has approved of your marriage and let her confirm it by restating the words she said to you. Also carefully explain to your parents that while you understand their views as well as the cultural implications of your impending action, the supposed practice of the elder sibling getting married first before the younger one is not actually a sacrosanct law or practice.
Appeal to their conscience when speaking to them by asking them to consider your future and your relationship with your fiancé. Let your parents know that being in a relationship for five years just to lose everything at the end could be emotionally draining and dangerous for your mental mind. Also let them know that you have established a great friendship with your husband-to-be and may be very hard for you to find anyone else if he decides to walk away now. After all, he has spent five years with you in a relationship, which is quite a considerable time.
So, I advise that you go through this route and I am very sure that your parents will have a change of heart and will allow you to enjoy your glorious day with your husband-to-be.


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About Ademola Aderele

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