Hello Love and Life,
I’m a 55-year-old man and my girlfriend is 45. We met online and were together for three years.
She wanted us to get married but I’m a divorcee and with the experience I’ve had, I’m afraid to commit to somebody again.
She gave me an ultimatum, or else she will end our relationship.
Is she not putting pressure on me or am I being unfair to her? Please, I need answers.
Hello Anonymous Writer,
I empathise with you over your situation, sir. It’s understandable that following your supposedly unpleasant experience in your previous relationship, you do not want to “rush” into another one.
However, you also have to understand that women too are also very conscious about their age and would, therefore, not want to have any time wasted, especially as they get closer to their menopause age. You did not state whether your current girlfriend is either a divorcee, a widow or an unmarried lady. If she happens to have the background of the last one, then her agitation is not surprising. She would argue that three years is enough for you to have analysed her and decide is she’s worthy to be your eternal sweetheart or not.
But I want to ask if you have actually discussed your fears about entering into a relationship with your girlfriend. If you have not done so, then she cannot understand your reservations about the long-term commitment of marriage. She is possibly anxious to just get married and start building her own family. So, no matter how painful the experience of the previous relationship might be, you just have to open up to her and share the occurrence of the affair with her. Be truthful with her and let her know why you have such reservations.
I’m sure after she hears you out, she would have more compassion and be more understanding to your plight. And she would also give you the assurance you need that you would be a wonderful wife.