I’ve been married to my husband for about five years now. During this time, he was transferred to the Middle East.
We both agreed it was not safe for us to raise our kids in that environment so we agreed he would visit every six months. Our plan has been working since he left three years ago but my mother-in-law is the problem.
Since my husband left, she has been visiting regularly to see our kids. Not that I have a problem with this but she sometimes goes overboard, I think.
First, when we changed our apartment, she complained about the paint in the kids’ room and without asking me, she had brought in a painter to change it by the end of the week. I swallowed that.
After church the next day, I made cereal for my kids. While they were eating, she went into a rage that I wasn’t feeding them well. That very afternoon, she made semovita and vegetables for them.
This has been going on for some time now. The one that recently got me mad was when she said my son was not dressed properly. Right in the midst of friends and family, she called me out and started yelling. My offence, she said he was wearing shorts and looked too casual. I felt this was needless as the event was just a reception for my brother-in-law who just returned to the country from the United States, where he did his masters.
She has been like this since my husband left. I feel like she’s trying to portray me as a careless mother before my kids. I’ve talked to my husband about it but he says I’m overthinking things. Please what can I do?
Hello Anonymous Writer,
I am also tempted to provide the same reply your husband provided to you. Yes, I think you may be overreacting but just that no one knows where such hostility will lead to.
However, I want to ask if you have developed a cordial relationship with her. My initial thought after reading your complaint was that you both had not properly forged a level of understanding between yourselves. Five years plus should have been enough for both of you to have resolved any differences (if you had any) before or at the start of the marriage.
Now, she probably she has to be “in charge” of her son’s home since he’s not around when ideally it should be your duty and concern.
My advice is that you talk to your husband more and explain your points in a more convincing way so that he can understand the gravity of the situation. Then further ask him to speak with his mother and pleas with her to stop all the interference.
While tour husband is doing that from his end, you also must get down to work at your own area. At a convenient time when you see your mother-in-law in a good mood, approach her and apologise for whatever offences you might have committed against her. Then, seek ways to forge a cordial relationship with her I order to get you a soft-landing.
Do your very best to ensure that this strategy works because I do not need to tell you about how overbearing mother-in-laws, especially that of husbands, behave when they do not like their son’s wife. In all of this, you must be patient and remain calm in order for the tide to turn to your direction.