My name is Ken. I have dated my fiancée for two years now. We met at a friend’s wedding in Lagos. I’m a businessman and by the grace of God, I can say I’m successful. She is a banker in one of the first generation banks and is doing well too.
We have decided to get married by December when all our family members will be back in the country for the holidays. All has been going well between us until I saw the list for our traditional wedding.
I saw ridiculous things like milling machine and motorcycles for her uncles to ride from the village. I was shocked. These two are just the most shocking of them all. On this same list is seven goats and two cows.
I’ve been furious since then. Am I supposed to wreck my business because I want to get married? I have told her to speak to her people else I call off the marriage. Since I said that, rather than reason with me, she got angry and said I don’t love her. I’ve been begging her since then and she’s refused to listen. Please help me, I can’t afford what they are asking for and I don’t want to lose my fiancée.
Let me, first of all, congratulate you and your wife on your engagement and upcoming marriage. Hopefully, things will turn out for the best.
Your complaint has been a recurring issue in the country and has caused a lot of problem for intending couples as well as their families. So, it’s really not a new phenomenon.
The challenge, however, may be the approach you employed to address the issue. I think the threatening approach you used was what complicated issues for you. This is such a delicate matter and, therefore, you did not need to use force to get a favourable decision for yourself. What is needed at this headed is a cool head and good negotiation skills.
So, what you need to do now is render a heartfelt apology to your fiancee. Admit your guilt before her and seek her forgiveness. Since she is making things difficult for you, you can engage any of her close sibling (if she has any) or a very close family member of hers to help to help plead on your behalf. Once that is done, mildly explain to her the financial constraints limiting you from fulfilling all items on the list. Beg (emphasis, beg) her to talk to her parents on your behalf to reconsider the list of items. Her sibling and/or close family friend should also help in making such appeal so that your wife-to-be would not be left alone to do the talking.
Just believe and trust in her to do her best and ensure you do not sabotage her effects in any way. Remain calm as ditching her will not resolve the challenges. You would still meet the same if you decide to move along with another lady from a different ethnic group.